If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
