Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
