I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
