I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
