Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i now understand why vodka
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
