Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
