I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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