super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
