i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
