i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have aggressive nipples.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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