You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
