well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
