he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
