How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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