I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
we're so committed to being not committed
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