First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
