So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
