Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
