so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
