I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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