I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I could make wine with my vomit
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
