Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
