I am spending my child support on dildos
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
