My nipple is on Facebook.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just tell him i said nine months
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
