I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Oh god it's open bar.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
