wrigley field is MILF paradise
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
