Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
