What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Everything about him screamed your future.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
