I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
