Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
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