ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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