Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he fucked my hip out of place.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
