she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
