it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
