so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
