you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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