And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
