I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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