We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
