i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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