How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
