Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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