I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
its liver damage thursday
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
