i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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