Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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