dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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