Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
