I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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