So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
