Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
