areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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