i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
