I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
